I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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