Need sex. Gaining weight.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
