she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
