I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
