so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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