OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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