that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
