when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
