I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
