I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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