is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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