I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
