shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
