your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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