Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
