hell yes lets make some ravioli
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
