Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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