Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
