I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
