yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
