I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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