well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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