I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
