It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
