If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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