You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
