Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
