OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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