Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
