I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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