My liver just broke up with me...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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