I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
