I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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