if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
