you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
