I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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