I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
