i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
