she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
