I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
