I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
