I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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