Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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