Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
