:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
