I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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