come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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