I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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