Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
