i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to make a zoo with you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
