She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
