Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
