Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
