I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
