I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
