woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
