i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's shark week go big or go home
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
