Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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