I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
