For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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