just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
